Sunday, March 07, 2010

God: I'd Like to Apply for the Job

7:03 PM | Published by Anaximenes

I know this will sound just as egotistical as all hell, and to the God believers it will be blasphemous in the extreme, but I think I could be a better god than God is. I mean it's not like I'm having delusions of grandeur or anything, really, I think a lot of people could be a better god than God is. If you're omnipotent, just how hard could it be? Surely one of us could create a better reality than the one he supposedly gave all of us.

The problem is that our human existence has forever tried to explain itself through a story that just doesn't make any fucking sense. If God loved us as much as all the gospels allege, he wouldn't have screwed it all up with a convoluted concept like free will. After all, that's what got us all banished from the Garden of Eden and started all of this bullshit, isn't it?

If God really was as forgiving as all the disciples said, he would have given Adam a break for eating that damned apple in the first place, wouldn't he? I mean, does it make any sense whatsoever that God would heap upon us misery, war, famine, disease, poverty, evil, suffering and pain just because Adam ate a fucking apple? How draconian is that?

God instead supposedly gave us this reality and said we all have to follow a bunch of rules to prove ourselves before we "get saved" and get to go to back to Eden - rules, by the way, that change from region to region and from religion to religion. He relegated us to lives of varying levels of despair, misery, desolation, hopelessness, anguish, unhappiness, wretchedness and woe. We have to know sadness, sorrow and grief. We have to deal with failure, disappointment and betrayal. We have to live with hate, abuse, neglect, abhorrence, revulsion and death. We have to witness the senselessness of serial killers, child molesters and animal abusers. We have to overcome greed, gluttony, avarice, covetousness and materialism. In this world that God gave us, children get cancer. Parents get divorced. Friends betray friends. Pets die.

The latest rage among the religious right is "intelligent design," which is just another euphemism for God. Was there an intelligent force at work that created the Universe? If so, he, she or it didn't think things through very carefully. It seems to me that the Universe is an incomprehensibly inhospitable place, with gamma bursts and supernova, galactic cannibalism and gravity waves, quasars and quarks, dark matter and black holes; not to mention that the very fabric of space-time and distance between the galaxies is unfathomably large and we can never go there.

Even our world itself is relentless. Tornadoes and hurricanes destroy on a mammoth scale. Volcanoes, floods and earthquakes change the very geography in which we live, obliterating homes and disbanding families. Wild animals can attack and will eat you. Insects will steal your blood. Bacteria and viruses can invade and transform your internal organs to a gelatinous mass of worthless goo.

And somehow, we're supposed to believe all of this came about because God gave us free choice and banished us from some better place. We're supposed to believe in him and that he became human, and then, we'll be "saved" and get to go be with him and know peace and joy and everlasting love.

Well, sorry. I think all of that is just a load of crap. And even if it were true, I don't think I want to spend an eternity with a vengeful, demanding, angry, ego-centric god, thank you just the same.

I could have done a hell of a lot better and wouldn't be nearly so needy. I could have come up with a blueprint for creation that would have worked a lot better than this shit. Someone needs to ask for God's resignation and I'd like to interview for the job.

I'm not too sure who would actually interview me for the position of god, though, or who would give him the authority to make that decision. That's a bit of circuitous reasoning that I don't care to explain. But let's just say that every 15-billion years or so, the position of god comes available, sort of like members of Congress have to run for re-election. But unlike the voters of Nevada who send the same pitiful fucking career politician back to his Senate seat time after time, the position of god has term limits and it's time for a change.

I fancy that the entity that might interview me for the position would look something like the host of that 1999-2001 Game Show Network's The Inquizition. He was a caustic, foreboding figure. You never saw his face as he upturned an hourglass and rapid-fired questions at contestants who had but three seconds to lock in their answers:



I will have more time than three seconds to answer The Inquizator's questions. After all, this is an interview, not a game show, and not for just any job; this is an interview for the most awesome goddamn job in The Universe.

As a matter of fact, this would have made a great Twilight Zone script and might have gone something like this:


PROLOGUE
FADE ON:

EXT. SKY - NIGHT

Shot of the sky...the various nebulae, and planet bodies stand out in sharp sparking relief, as the CAMERA begins a SLOW PAN across the heavens -


ROD SERLING VOICE (o.s.)
There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow; between science and superstition; and it lies between the pit of man's fears and summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call ...




PAN DOWN PAST HORIZON
FLUSH ON OPENING SHOT:


INT.- CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY OR NIGHT

This is a vast, unadorned room, so vast that it is surrounded not by walls, but by shadows; covered not by a ceiling, but by a darker region that eventually leads to a ceiling too high to be seen. Focal point in the room is a large, rectangular CONFERENCE TABLE of black, polished polymer, with twelve unoccupied high-tech, ergonomic chairs. Pencil spotlights above from an unknown source shine circles of light onto the surface of the empty table.


A man with long gray hair in a dark monochromatic suit shirt and tie, THE INQUIZITOR, unknown age, enters the room from a DOORWAY at one end of the room across from the conference table. The doorway appears as it opens and disappears as it closes behind him. He is talking on a black CELL PHONE, and has a gleaming white luminescent FILE FOLDER in the other hand as he walks toward the head of the conference table.


INQUIZITOR (CONT'D)
(annoyed)
....matter of fact, he didn't say anything about it when we talked three million years ago. He was distracted - busy with an ice age or something like that. He should have....


PAN IN:


The Inquizitor has been interrupted by whoever or whatever is on the other end of the call as he takes a seat at the head of the conference table, placing the FILE FOLDER in front of him. As he opens the folder, its luminosity increases and the light reflects off of the pale, weathered skin of his face. He leafs through the file's contents while nodding and listening to the other caller.


INQUIZITOR
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I agree. Well, we'll just accept his resignation ... even if he didn't have the courtesy to give us the usual 200 million-year notice. His term would have been up in a half-billion years anyway, so we were already lining up candidates.


CUT TO CLOSE-UP:


INQUIZITOR
(impatiently)
Yes, that's right, I know. Right. Uh-huh. Okay, I'll let you know. Okay. Right. Good-bye.


The Inquizitor turns off the cell phone and adjusts his ERGONOMIC CHAIR to a height that seemingly suits him. A white SPEAKER PHONE has appeared on the conference table in front of him. He presses the button on top of the phone.


INQUIZITOR
Sentinel!


SPEAKER PHONE VOICE
Yes, sir?


INQUIZITOR
Anaximenes, candidate for Supreme Being, is he here yet?


SPEAKER PHONE VOICE
Yes, Inquizitor. He's waiting.


INQUIZITOR
Send him in.


SPEAKER PHONE VOICE
Yes, sir!


PAN AWAY:


The speaker phone disappears. Another DOORWAY opposite The Inquizitor appears as it opens, several feet away from the opposing side of the conference table. ANAXIMENES, age 55, stands in the doorway. He is dressed in a dark suit, white shirt and a bright multicolored polka-dot tie, wearing glasses and with an arched right eyebrow on his expression.


MOVING SHOT
WITH ANAXIMENES:


The DOORWAY disappears as it closes and Anaximenes enters the room. His posture is erect and confident. He walks toward the CONFERENCE TABLE. As he does, stationary SPOTLIGHTS from an unknown source above shine cones of light before him, fading up as he enters each cone of light and fading out as he passes through them, until he reaches the conference table opposite The Inquizitor.


SERLING (o.s.)
(over Anaximenes' entrance)
Submitted for your approval, a room that leads to the future. Not a future that will be, but a future that might be. A future perhaps so far removed from even the last vestiges of familiarity with our physical existence that we cannot possibly fathom its reality.


Anaximenes takes a seat at the opposite end of the conference table where The Inquizitor is seated. He adjusts the ERGONOMIC CHAIR'S height to suit him. He makes a slight adjustments of his TIE, and confidently places his FOLDED HANDS on the table in front of him.


WHIP PAN:


ROD SERLING, 43, dressed in a dark, 1960-style, thin lapel Botany-500 suit, white tab collar shirt and a black, slim-Jim tie is FACE ON to the camera, standing in the center of the room at the middle of the CONFERENCE TABLE.



SERLING
This is the beginning of a transition. It is not yet a new world but presently an extension of the old one, the one that in just a few moments may cease to even exist. And not just that familiar blue, third planet from a rather average yellow star in a quiet corner of the Milky Way galaxy, but for the entire Universe as we know it - all galaxies, and planets and stars everywhere, and the very fabric of space and time that lies within it. In just a few minutes, the fate of the known Universe will rest in the outcome of a certain job interview; an interview in this room and at this table for the omnipotent position of Supreme Being, and an interview that could only happen ... in the Twilight Zone.



FADE TO BLACK:
END PROLOGUE
FIRST COMMERCIAL
OPENING BILLBOARD


ACT I
FADE ON:


THE INQUIZITOR and ANAXIMENES are seated at opposite ends of the black, gleaming polymer CONFERENCE TABLE. The pencil SPOTLIGHTS highlighting the table surface before them have become more luminescent. The Inquizitor continues to leaf through material in the glowing luminescent white FILE FOLDER in front of him, the only item on the table except for Anaximenes' folded hands. After moments, The Inquizitor closes the file folder. As he does, its luminosity decreases and for the first time, he makes eye contact with Anaximenes.


CUT TO:


INQUIZITOR
So, you want to be God?


INTER-CUT:


ANAXIMENES,
I want omnipotence. I don't care what you call me.


INQUIZITOR
(incredulous, taken aback)
Oh, really?


ANAXIMENES
(a tad defiantly)
Yes, really. Why should I care what I'm called? I have no intention of being the object of worship or the reason for which people devote all their attentions. I don't want people to beatify some concept of me; in fact, I don't want people to even be vaguely aware that I exist at all.


CLOSE SHOT - INQUIZITOR:


INQUIZITOR
(perturbed, emphatic)
But what about the great religions of the world? What will all those people do without God? Whom will they worship? And what about the clergy? What will they do then?


CLOSE SHOT - ANAXIMENES:


ANAXIMENES
(gesturing outward)
Maybe they'll all go out and get a real job, pay some taxes and help improve the economy.
(he leans forward)
You needn't worry. I can handle the minutia. Let me give you some broad-brush concepts that I have about eternity ... or, at least the next fifteen billion years until this omnipotent term would expire. I think then you'll perhaps see where I'm coming from.


CUT TO INQUIZITOR
PAN OUT:


The Inquizitor appears impressed that this mortal knows about the omnipotent Supreme Being's term of fifteen billion years. The Inquizitor is all too aware that the present god has resigned a half-billion years early, since the existing Universe in only fourteen-and-a-half billion years old. He had to begin his search for a new god earlier than usual. He leans back in this CHAIR and places his hands in front of him, with his fingers in a steeple pose.


INQUIZITOR
(resigned, but a bit
skeptical)
By all means, Mr. Anaximenes, please continue.


CUT TO CLOSE-UP:


ANAXIMENES
(pleased at hearing The
Inquizitor mention his name
for the first time)
Alright, Inquizitor, let's start with the way things ought to be. You see, I think God really messed up when he put the notion in everybody's head that he existed. His existence demanded acknowledgment. Acknowledgment demanded protocol. Protocol demanded belief systems, and belief systems demanded religion. That screwed everything up. God made people competitive as a survival strategy. People compete with people all the time, so naturally, religions compete with religions for God's favor. It's made for a disaster down there. Surely, you've noticed.



CUT TO LONG SHOT
OF BOTH CHARACTERS:


INQUIZITOR
Actually, I hadn't really noticed. I'm concerned with a little more than God's dealings on one planet. The Universe is a big place. And I am not God's boss. God is his own boss. I'm just here to make sure the next omnipotent being for fifteen billion years has been properly vetted. It's a chicken and egg thing I can't really explain.


ANAXIMENES
(quizzical)
Oh, I didn't know that. How many gods have there been?


CLOSE UP - INQUIZITOR:


INQUIZITOR
(contemplating the answer
for a moment before
speaking)
Hmmm. No one really knows. A lot. Maybe infinity. This is sort of how the whole thing works. It's like a circle with no beginning. We vet the best candidates for god, and god keeps going. But there is no god of God. Each new god decides in his omnipotence whether to keep things rolling along this way or not. All of them have done so, of course. I suppose it's my job to correctly choose the kind of god that will favorably make that decision.


CUT TO CLOSE-UP:


ANAXIMENES
And if you choose incorrectly?


DIFFERENT ANGLE - INQUIZITOR
PAN OUT:


The Inquizitor drops his eyes and slowly pushes his chair away from the table. There is the the first subtle suggestion of stress in his expression; that this decision must weigh heavily on him, the awesome weight of responsibility for the perpetuation of a Universe that he alone must bear. He stands up and walks away from the conference table a few paces with his back to Anaximenes.


INQUIZITOR
(somberly)
I said the circle had no beginning, but it most certainly has an end. If I choose incorrectly, Mr. Anaximenes ... if I choose incorrectly and the next god decides not to re-engage my services when his fifteen billion year term has expired, all creation will cease to exist. Everything, everywhere. Anything, anywhere. Over. Done. Gone. Ka-put.
(turning around)
Do you understand, Mr. Anaximenes? Either the next god ensures a perpetuation of the system, or the system simply ceases to exist.


CUT TO:


ANAXIMENES
Yes, I understand. Hm-mm. Well, at any rate ...
(trying to make the
mood a little less
somber)
... and that sounds like a great concept of perpetuation, by the way. I can definitely buy into that.


CLOSE UP - INQUIZITOR:


The Inquizitor gives an approving nod at Anaximenes' saying he would allow the system to continue, and sits back in his chair.


CUT TO:


ANAXIMENES
(continuing)
It's the interim fifteen billion years that I want to focus on, the reality with which the Universe has to contend, and specifically, the reality on Earth. I'm sure there are a lot of other planets and life forms to deal with, but I don't know that, yet. That's one of the problems God created. No disclosure. We really don't understand very much about the Universe at all. Our understanding of physics and the laws of nature are only very recent. We have to claw our way over millions of generations just to be able to produce fire, and millions more to produce a light bulb. The whole evolution thing was really a bad idea. And not only that, but because God has such a big ego, half the people on this planet don't even think evolution is real. They think Satan placed dinosaur bones on Earth to deceive mankind. They don't believe the Earth is four and a half billion years old. It's remarkable, really ... that God allows such ignorance to exist in his name. That's one of things I would change.


INTER-CUT:


INQUIZITOR
Satan?


ANAXIMENES
(perplexed)
Yes, Satan.


INQUIZITOR
Who is Satan?


PAN OUT TO SCENE
BOTH CHARACTERS IN VIEW:


Anaximenes slumps back into his chair in a posture of complete incredulity. The Inquizitor's lack of awareness of Satan has clearly befuddled him.


ANAXIMENES
You mean, you don't know who Satan is? I thought you were in charge of this thing?


INQUIZITOR
(frustrated, voice raised)
No, no, no! You don't understand, Mr. Anaximenes. I only make sure that reality has a god. He is omnipotent. Everything else flows from him. Including this - what's his name? Satan?


CLOSE UP - ANAXIMENES:


ANAXIMENES
Yes, Satan. No, I get that. I get that God makes it all happen. I just assumed that since you're vetting the omnipotent Supreme Being, you also might have had something to say about his arch-enemy, the spiritual personification of evil on Earth. The Father of Lies. Satan. You know, Beelzebub. Mephistopheles? Old Nick? You know, the Devil! A lot of people on Earth are obsessed with him.


CUT TO:



INQUIZITOR
If Satan exists, it's because God allows him to exist, same as gravity, ice cream cones, the speed of light, and the clouds in the sky. It's all his doing.


CUT TO:


ANAXIMENES
I understand. But ...
(chuckling)
... wow. Well, this just makes my point. God, the omnipotent being, capable of defining the very concept and perimeters of good and evil, actually created evil, right? He made it, yes? He allows it to exist to make things pretty crappy a lot of the time for a lot of people, when he could just as easily have made everything great all of the time for all people everywhere.. I'm sorry, I don't mean any disrespect, but where did you find this guy?


DIFFERENT ANGLE - INQUIZITOR:


The Inquizitor rearranges his position in his chair and leans in toward the table. He makes eye contact with Anaximenes, wishing to bring the interview back in his control.


INQUIZITOR
I can't tell you where he came from, or anything about the last cycle. It's forbidden.
(leans back)
Now, let's get back to the interview, shall we?


PAN OUT
BOTH CHARACTERS IN VIEW:


ANAXIMENES
(contritely)
Forbidden by God, I suppose. Yes, of course, I didn't mean to get us off track.

The Inquizitor opens the file folder and looks at one of the papers inside. As the file folder is opened, it's luminescence increases.



INQUIZITOR
Now, what is your chief qualification for this position?


ANAXIMENES
I'm human.


INQUIZITOR
(looking up)
I'm sorry, did you say "I'm human?" How does that qualify you to be omnipotent?


ANAXIMENES
It doesn't. But it qualifies me to know what is wrong with the current reality. I was going to tell you in a broad-brush way, what my concept is for the next fifteen billion years. Might I continue with that?


INQUIZITOR
(closes file as
the luminescence fades)
Yes.


CLOSE UP - ANAXIMENES:


Anaximenes checks his CUFF LINKS and straightens his TIE. He sits up straight in his chair and returns his hands to the top of the table, folded, as before, leaning forward.

ANAXIMENES
Very well. Let's continue with the notion of good and evil. It has to do with a larger concept of duality. God created a reality that has duality. There is no singularity, except perhaps in very extreme cases, like black holes where the laws of physics break down, which is another problem. In every other circumstance, there is duality. Good and evil. Hot and cold. Matter and anti-matter. Light and darkness. It doesn't have to be this way. The fact that he made black holes where the laws of physics break down into a singularity is a glaring paradox we're still trying to figure out. You really shouldn't have it both ways, but it does make my point about duality.


INQUIZITOR (o.s.)
Go on.


ANAXIMENES
So, I would change duality. Let's just stay focused on the positive, or at least change all the default settings. And no paradoxes. In fact, no mysteries of the Universe. Let's go with full disclosure of how everything works and changing the default settings on duality.


CUT TO:


INQUIZITOR
And by changing all the default settings, you mean ...?


CLOSE-UP - ANAXIMENES:


ANAXIMENES
I mean change the default settings from the negative to the positive. Either eliminate the negative altogether and create a different reality without duality, or change the default settings. The natural state of anything is usually negative, so I'm saying change that.


DIFFERENT ANGLE
BOTH CHARACTERS IN VIEW:


INQUIZITOR
Can you give me some examples?


ANAXIMENES
Sure.
(enumerating the examples by
gesturing with the right
index finger touching
fingers of his left hand)
Without light influencing the natural state of anywhere, darkness is the default. Change that. Without a source for heat, the natural state of anywhere is cold. Change that. In terms of human behavior, without laws and civil systems, the natural state of man is a brutal, if not a bloodthirsty animal. Change that. Eliminate government and the need for any governing system. Get rid of that and don't wait for man to evolve to some higher sentient being. Just change that and give it to him on the front-end. Give man a high intellect from the get-go. Allow him to be born with answers, not questions. Give him knowledge, not a brain that has to be engaged with information learned over the course of a lifetime, or one that must evolve over millions of years to comprehend the way things are - laws of nature, the manner of physics or the mysteries of the Universe. I'm saying give all this knowledge to him on the front-end, don't make him earn it. Earning is a bad concept, too.


INQUIZITOR
What do you mean by that, Mr. Anaximenes?


ANAXIMENES
God has put into motion an earning-based reality. We earn the right to go to heaven if we behave a certain way. We earn the ability to comprehend higher concepts of physics and chemistry and algebra and geometry and calculus and the all the immutable bylaws of mathematics by first, evolving for millions of years to develop a brain complex enough to understand it, and secondly only with an entire lifetime of study and dedication to get there. It's maddening. Only a handful of people can actually get there - that is, to know very much of anything, and that's generally only about one subject because it takes a whole lifetime. The most brilliant people on our plant are only brilliant about one subject at a time. Earning is just an investment in time that we shouldn't have to make, primarily because God - who gets fifteen billion years to play around with - gives us so very little time, which is another change I would make. And that is also a part of the duality issue. Old and young. Then, you have smart and dumb; talented and untalented. Left brained, right brained. The whole way it works is just, well, it needs a serious overhaul.


PAN OUT
MOVING SHOT - INQUIZITOR:


A moment of silence befalls the room as The Inquizitor pushes away from the table. He stands slowly and as he does, the pencil SPOT LIGHTS and their luminescent circles of light shining on the TABLE TOP slowly dim. As The Inquizitor walks away from the table and toward the shadows of the room wall, an incredibly large PROJECTION SCREEN materializes into view. The screen is so large that it is difficult to discern its true height and width. As the lights dim, the scene on the projection screen begins to come into focus. The view is a stunning vista of the entire Universe. Strewn about over billions of light years is a Universe that exhibits masses and clusters of whole galaxies, trillions of stars and solar systems. It becomes apparent that this is a vantage point and viewer - a WINDOW, if you will - to see the entire VISIBLE UNIVERSE.


CUT TO LONG SHOT
OF THE VIEWER
OVER ANAXIMENES' SHOULDER:


INQUIZITOR
(almost amused at
Anaximenes' naiveté)
A serious overhaul, Mr. Anaximenes? Tell me....the Universe is a very big place....


CUT TO
TIGHT CLOSE-UP - INQUIZITOR:


INQUIZITOR (CONT'D)
(gesturing with both
arms panning outward
toward the viewing 
screen)
...tell me exactly what you would do? Here are 29 billion light years of Universe - only what you can see, mind you. The whole Universe is infinitely larger with multiple dimensions! What exactly are you going to change?


ANAXIMENES (o.s.)
(incredulously)
What exactly, Inquizitor?


CUT TO
TIGHT CLOSE-UP - ANAXIMENES


ANAXIMENES (CONT'D)
(smiling a knowing smile)
Why, everything. I intend to change everything.


PAN OUT
MOVING SHOT - INQUIZITOR:


The Inquizitor walks quickly back to the CONFERENCE TABLE from the PROJECTION SCREEN. As he approaches, the pencil spot lights fade up on the surface of the table and the SPEAKER PHONE materializes once again. He pushes the button on top of it.


INQUIZITOR
Sentinel!


SPEAKER PHONE VOICE
Yes, sir?


INQUIZITOR
Prepare the Euclidean!
(releases button and turns
toward Anaximenes)
We're going out there, Mr. Anaximenes.


CUT TO LONG SHOT
BOTH CHARACTERS IN FRAME:

ANAXIMENES
Out ... there?


INQUIZITOR
(pointing toward the
projection screen)
Yes! The Euclidean is my star ship, Mr. Anaximenes. We're going out there. After all, a god must have his Universe!


CAMERA DOLLY PAST INQUIZITOR
TOWARD THE VIEWING SCREEN
FADE TO BLACK:
END ACT I
SECOND COMMERCIAL


 
ACT II
FADE ON:

INT. - SPACE SHIP - NEITHER DAY NOR NIGHT

This is the large BRIDGE of a massive star ship, the EUCLIDEAN, traveling at a fantastic speed. The Bridge is semi-dark so that the VIEWING SCREEN toward the front of the Bridge can be better observed. In the foreground, there is a large, slanted INSTRUMENT PANEL, which is the HELM, at a height for which the intended users would stand. On it are many complicated instruments, knobs, dials, buttons and indicator lights. Some lights on the instrument panel are lit, some not, and still others are blinking. The VIEWING SCREEN in the background of the scene at the front of the Bridge depicts the exact same image as was observed in the previous conference room, a vantage point from which to see the entire, observable Universe. The Inquizitor and Anaximenes are standing in front of the Helm. BRIDGE NOISES are prevalent. These are electronic beeps and bleeps that indicate to the audience that the characters are aboard a sophisticated space traveling machine.


EXTREME CLOSE-UP - HELM:


Both of the Inquizitor's HANDS are in view on the HELM'S INSTRUMENT PANEL, pushing buttons, adjusting knobs. Bridge noises react to each action the Inquizitor takes, changing pitch and tone.


INQUIZITOR (o.s.)
Just a few more adjustments here ... and here.
(pausing)
There we are. That should do it.


CUT TO LONG SHOT OF
ANAXIMENES AND INQUIZITOR WITH
VIEWING SCREEN IN BACKGROUND:



INQUIZITOR
(gesturing outward)
So, what do you think of my ship, the Euclidean?


ANAXIMENES
It's quite impressive. So, we're traveling at the speed of light?


INQUIZITOR
No.


ANAXIMENES
Slower?


INQUIZITOR
No.


ANAXIMENES
Well, you can't travel faster than the speed of light.


INQUIZITOR
Who says?


PAN IN TO
TIGHTER CLOSE-UP - BOTH
CHARACTERS IN FRAME:


ANAXIMENES
God. Your god did, apparently, according to a physicist named Albert Einstein.


INQUIZITOR
That would be his law. They don't necessarily apply here. We're not traveling, really, not in the sense you mean.
(pause and thinking,
as if searching for
the right words)
Let me put it this way. We're traveling at the speed of thought.


ANAXIMENES
(perplexed)
The speed of ... thought?


INQUIZITOR
When you use your imagination, Mr. Anaximenes, and imagine yourself in, say, Barcelona or Cairo. Do you spend anytime thinking about how you got there?


ANAXIMENES
Well ... I suppose not. If I imagine myself in Barcelona or Cairo, I simply imagine myself there.


INQUIZITOR
Precisely. Same concept here. We can go anywhere in the Euclidean, travel anywhere in the Universe, with no account for space and time.


CUT TO:


ANAXIMENES
Well, why do we need this ship, then, the Euclidean? I mean, why were you adjusting all those buttons and dials?


CLOSE-UP - INQUIZITOR:


INQUIZITOR
Because I like the way they sound.
(chuckles)
Well, we don't really need this ship, but you are in an ethereal plane, shall we say, and in order for us to relate in some common reality, we have to make up these props. So, I don't necessarily need this ship, Mr. Anaximenes. You do.


PAN OUT
BOTH CHARACTERS STAY IN FRAME
VIEWING SCREEN IN BACKGROUND:


ANAXIMENES
I see. Well, let's just move forward then, and let's get some place close to a black hole.
(looking toward
the viewing screen
and pointing)
There's probably one in the center of that cluster of galaxies in front of us.

CUT TO CLOSE-UP
SHOT OF VIEWING SCREEN:

The VIEWING SCREEN depicts rapid movement of the Euclidean from it's current position toward a cluster of points of light in the center of the screen. As the points of light become larger, it is apparent that they are whole galaxies. Within seconds, the view begins to center on one of these galaxies. It becomes larger and larger on the screen until the entire screen is focused on its center. Within the great spirals of stars surrounding the brightly lit center of the galaxy it becomes apparent that the precise center is completely black - a black hole - with millions of stars in procession around it.


PAN OUT
BOTH CHARACTERS STAY IN FRAME
VIEWING SCREEN IN BACKGROUND:


ANAXIMENES
(pointing at the black hole)
You see? There! That's exactly what I'm talking about. It's a huge inconsistency. It's that duality and singularity thing I'm talking about. The laws of physics apply everywhere, so far as we know, but not here. A black hole is where gravity is so dense that even light cannot escape it.  And if light cannot escape it, where does all that energy go?  Into a singularity, as the physicists explain it, but they cannot explain it further.  Where does the singularity go and where does it end?  In other words, the laws of physics - which so well explain all other mechanics of the Universe - simply break down here, and no longer apply. Why? Or more to the point, why the big mystery? No disclosure. God simply created a debacle. No one but him knows what the hell is going on, yet million of people spend their entire lives thinking about stuff like this, when I contend there might be loftier pursuits with which they should occupy their minds.


INQUIZITOR
Loftier than trying to learn the mysteries of the Universe?


ANAXIMENES
That's just my point, Inquizitor. There shouldn't be any mysteries of the Universe. The fact that God put in our minds insatiable curiosity about such things, I think, was to take our minds off of just how badly we're getting screwed down on Earth.

CUT TO CLOSE-UP 
SHOT OF INQUIZITOR:

INQUIZITOR
You're saying that black holes are the bane of your existence, Mr. Anaximenes?

CUT TO CLOSE-UP 
SHOT OF ANAXIMENES:

ANAXIMENES
(shaking head in the negative)
No, I'm saying that duality is the bane of our existence. The black hole is physical proof that duality isn't necessary. It is possible to have singularities and absolutes. God just couldn't figure a way to have duality everywhere else but here.  If you eliminate duality, then a singularity becomes the norm everywhere.  The law of physics will be in parity in every corner of the Universe.


CUT TO
EXTREME CLOSE-UP - HELM:



Both of the Inquizitor's HANDS are again in view on the HELM'S INSTRUMENT PANEL, pushing buttons and adjusting knobs. Bridge noises again react to each action the Inquizitor takes, changing pitch and tone.


INQUIZITOR (o.s)
Very well.  I understand your position on this matter, Mr. Anaximenes.  Now...

CUT TO LONG SHOT
OF INQUIZITOR AND ANAXIMENES
WITH VIEW SCREEN IN BACKGROUND:


INQUIZITOR (CONT'D)
...speaking of Earth, I think we need to take the Euclidean over to your home planet, Mr. Anaximenes.  I have a few questions more for you before we conclude this interview.

The VIEWING SCREEN indicates rapid movement of the Euclidean to a SPIRAL GALAXY in a remote region of the Universe and then to a solar system familiar to us. First, the planet JUPITER comes into view, then SATURN; then the viewing screen exhibits the space ship assuming orbit around that most familiar blue planet, the third from the Sun, EARTH.

INQUIZITOR
Here we are! This should look familiar to you, Mr. Anaximenes. Let's take a look at its inhabitants, and I'd like you to elaborate on the things you might change here, were we to bestow upon you the omnipotent title of Supreme Being. Any particular city in mind?

CUT TO CLOSE-UP
SHOT OF VIEWING SCREEN:

As EARTH comes into view, the VIEWING SCREEN begins to exhibit a slow dolly pan inward toward the surface of the planet where the continents of NORTH AND SOUTH AMERICA comes into view. The inward motion of the view continues into the upper atmosphere, through the clouds and focuses on the familiar UNITED STATES region of the North American continent.

PAN OUT TO LONG SHOT
OF BOTH CHARACTERS WITH
VIEWING SCREEN IN THE BACKGROUND:

ANAXIMENES
(pointing toward the screen)
How about Chicago?

INQUIZITOR
Very well, Chicago.

CUT TO CLOSE-UP
SHOT OF VIEWING SCREEN:

The viewer screen exhibits further visual refinement and focus of the land below, bringing the GREAT LAKES into view, then LAKE MICHIGAN. As the rapid pan-in toward the ground continues, the city of CHICAGO is observed in sharp aerial relief against the dark mono-color of the lake. Slowly, familiar Chicago landmarks come into view, like the SEARS TOWER. Finally, the viewer stops on a street scene with cabs and cars hustling along MICHIGAN AVENUE with pedestrians scurrying about busily, walking past, entering and exiting the various buildings.


ANAXIMENES (o.s.)
Let's focus on that guy on the corner. Do you see him?

The screen focuses on one street corner where there is a PANHANDLER.  He is dirty, unkempt, unshaven and shabbily dressed, holding a SIGN that reads: "OUT OF WORK. PLEASE HELP." He looks cold, hungry and desperate. Everywhere people pass by him as if he were not actually there.

CUT TO CLOSE-UP FACE-ON
SHOT OF INQUIZITOR:

INQUIZITOR
(eyes on the screen)
You mean him?

CUT TO CLOSE-UP FACE-ON
SHOT OF ANAXIMENES:

ANAXIMENES
(eyes on the screen)
Yes, him. Perfect. He's everything that I would change on Planet Earth.

PAN OUT TO FACE-ON
SHOT OF BOTH ANAXIMENES 
AND INQUIZITOR:

INQUIZITOR
(turns and looks at 
Anaximenes, incredulously)
Giving homes to the homeless? Is that your big plan as the new god?

ANAXIMENES
(chuckles)
No. Hardly.

CUT TO LONG SHOT
BOTH CHARACTERS IN VIEW WITH
HELM AND VIEWING SCREEN IN BACKGROUND:

ANAXIMENES
(gesturing toward the screen)
You see this guy is supposedly one of God's creatures. But he's been screwed. Everywhere other people have it a lot better than him. But everywhere people are walking past him. Why?

INQUIZITOR
I do not know, Mr. Anaximenes. Do you?


DIFFERENT ANGLE
BOTH CHARACTERS IN VIEW:

ANAXIMENES
Yes, I do. Because people basically don't give a shit about anyone but themselves. They're wrapped up in their own survival. Life is hard on Earth. Over half of its inhabitants are living life under a tyranny. Many more are practically starving. What kind of reality is that to bestow on a group of lifeforms that God supposedly put here? For what purpose? So a handful of them get to experience something purportedly sublime after they die?

INQUIZITOR
I think I see your point. You would take better care of these minions, Mr. Anaximenes?

ANAXIMENES
I would give them a different reality. Or more to the point, they could have whatever reality they wanted.


CUT TO
CLOSE-UP OF INQUIZITOR:

INQUIZITOR
It sounds like you want to give them omnipotence.

CUT TO
CLOSE-UP OF ANAXIMENES:

ANAXIMENES
Only for themselves.
(nodding and smiling)
Only for themselves.

CAMERA DOLLY PAST ANAXIMENES
TOWARD THE VIEWING SCREEN
FADE TO BLACK:
END ACT II
THIRD COMMERCIAL



EPILOGUE

FADE ON:


INT.- CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY OR NIGHT

The INQUIZITOR and ANAXIMENES have returned to the CONFERENCE ROOM, seated as before. Anaximenes has a stack of papers in front of him on the CONFERENCE TABLE, which he is busily reading and stopping occasionally to sign a page here and there. The INQUIZITOR has only his single luminescent file folder in front of him as before, opened, and reading from one of the pages while talking on his cell phone.

CUT TO
CLOSE-UP OF INQUIZITOR:

INQUIZITOR
Yes, that's A-N-A-X-I-M-E-N-E-S. We're going thought the paperwork now.
(pauses and chuckles)
No, I think we're done here. Just a few more details before we confer the title and transfer omnipotence. Right. I'll call you later. Bye.

PAN OUT
BOTH CHARACTERS IN VIEW:

INQUIZITOR
You realize all those people that God sent to heaven these past millennium are going to be pretty upset about you getting rid of the place.

ANAXIMENES
(without looking up)
Yes, well, God didn't worry about making everyone happy. I figure it will all balance out some way. The people he sent to hell these past millennium are going to be ecstatic.

SLOW PAN UPWARD
PAST HORIZON AND INTO THE HEAVENS:

ROD SERLING VOICE (o.s.)
Now, the question that might come to mind is where is this place and when is it?  And the answer is....it really doesn't matter. Who's to say that the reality we know today is any more or less real than another that might be conjured by your average omnipotent being, who, for the moment, is engaged in a bit of new hire paperwork before changing, well, everything.... including....the Twilight Zone. 


SLOW FADE TO BLACK
THE END
FINAL COMMERCIAL
CLOSING BILLBOARD

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An Advisory

The Rants of Anaximenes is a collection of essays unintended for the populist masses with short attention spans and limited vocabularies. It contains adult words and profane language, and when political, expresses decidedly libertarian points of view. These essays took time to write and indeed, they take a time to read. For those with some intellect who enjoy thought-provoking ideas presented with a sardonic wit, please stay awhile and get acquainted. All others would waste their time here.

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